Tag Archives: Emotional Healing'

Instant Manifestation Made to Order!

–Law of Attraction and Miska’s Perfectly Timed Arrival
Miska, the constantly moving puppy!

I know it may not make sense to most people to bring a new puppy into the fold so soon after unexpectedly losing our sweet Luna (See “The Rainbow Bridge” for Luna’s story).

But sometimes the Universe arranges things just so, and you know they are simply meant to be. This was one of those times.

We lost Luna 4th of July weekend. That next week was rough for all of us. We felt heavy and sad, missing our loving friend, and I kept replaying the discovery of her broken, lifeless body over and over in my mind.

A Little History

When I started travel nursing almost five years ago, one of the first things I did was gift myself a dog. This dog was going to be MY dog. I anticipated my new role as “dog mom” with great excitement. I made decisions about the size of dog I wanted, it’s temperament, and intelligence (I often referred to Dobby as my “empty nest” dog!). After a great deal of reading and researching, I decided on the Rat Terrier breed (Side note here: I have since become more aware of the number of incredible “mutts” that are overrunning shelters. And of puppy mills. Had I understood back then, I would not have looked for a purebred. But I did, and I am head over heels in love with my Dobby. So here we are…).

“Just Putting It Out There”

In the past we had discussed adding another dog to the homestead, but the consensus was that it wouldn’t be until our old, sweet, tired Mama dog, Babycakes, passed. We never thought that a healthy two-year-old dog would be the one leaving an empty space in our family.

Mike and I were driving back roads, talking about Luna about a week after she died. We discussed the idea of getting another dog, but neither one of us was completely invested in that thought. I had casually looked at some Rat Terrier breeders the day before and immediately determined that I was not shelling out hundreds of dollars for another purebred. We all love the Rat Terrier breed, though: Smart as a whip, comical, small enough to easily handle, and loyal to a fault. Yet we also know that we understand dog behavior and training very well, especially after seeing the beautiful healing we helped Luna achieve. And we certainly don’t need a pedigree for a dog to be “acceptable” to us.

We then decided that while we WANTED another Rat Terrier, we would leave it to the Universe to bring our next companion to us at the perfect time in the perfect way, leaving no doubt that it was destined to be ours all along. No resistant thought. No painful, aching, longing to find our next pet. No hours-long Google searches for breeders. We expressed our desires with no thought as to when or how this would occur; We simply stated what we wanted and left it at that, confident that it would all work out.

Easy As Pie

After that conversation, the subject of getting another dog never came up again. A couple nights later, I was up at 3:00 a.m., getting ready for work. Mike texted me to see if coffee was done; he wanted to stop over before I left.

I figured he had worked on some house plans and wanted to show me. Wrong. In strolls Mike with the cutest little brown and white puppy and the biggest smile on his face. On the way to fireworks the night before, they saw a stray Border Collie walking along the road. Mike’s wife and kids went gaga over it. Mike simply said, “No.”

From the back seat, the kids’ little friend pipes up: “Are you guys looking for a puppy? We have one left and my dad says she has to go. It’s a small dog.” So after fireworks Mike grudgingly takes the family to the girl’s house to see the puppy, dreading having to be the bad guy who says no. Puppy’s parents are both on the premises, and of course, they are both Rat Terriers! Mike is now frantically trying to think of a reason why this just isn’t a good idea. It’s so sudden. Both mom and dad are sociable and well-adjusted. Puppy is 12 weeks old, old enough to go to a new home. She is healthy. She is lovable. She is smart. And……she is ours. For free! And this is how Mike and I manifested the dog we wanted. It is so amazing to realize that we wanted a Rat Terrier, and we didn’t have to do a single thing to get her. Mike was going to drop this little girl off at her home whether or not there was a dog there.

The Little Healer

We all love our Miska. Tending to the needs of a new little one has helped us all work through some of our grief over losing Luna. This is especially true for Luna’s Person, Herm. Having a new puppy to fuss over has given him an outlet for the love he used to shower on Luna. Before Miska came, it was hard for any of us to talk about Luna. But Miska is making it easier to talk about old fond memories, and it doesn’t hurt as much to mention Luna’s name anymore.

Another blessing is enjoying the way Miska is exhibiting many of the same quirky behaviors Dobby had when he was a puppy: The way she zips around, tunneling under blankets, how she loves being wrapped up and snuggling with her people, and her adoration and veneration of the squeaky mini tennis ball Herm gave her is fun to observe. It is such a joy to see her doing the same things that endeared Dobby to us when he was a puppy.

Finding Her Place

The past couple weeks have been a difficult time for both the human and dog population on the Homestead. Our canine friends have had their stability ripped from them-a once cohesive pack has both lost and gained a new member nearly overnight. The dogs are doing well, and we haven’t had any major issues, but we also understand that it will take some time for all of them to find balance and security again. We figure we are looking at a few weeks to a few months until everyone settles in.

We joyfully welcome our newest family member, Miska, and we will always remember and appreciate the incredible way the Universe arranged everything for us to come together.

****Update****

Miska has been with us for a couple weeks now, and has totally settled in. Dobby still grumbles about her occasionally, but he often acts like a cranky old man anyway, so no surprise there. Housebreaking was nearly effortless. She is smart, happy, confident, and loves everybody. We are so glad she made her way to us.

Better Late Than Never: My Experience in Getting My Inner Critic to STFU

4/16/2021

Dobby and I spreading the love in Jackson Hole, WY

I have a confession to make. Up until just recently, I was absolutely living my life on auto-pilot: I reacted to life based on the patterns of thinking and behavior that had been ingrained since my birth. I had an absolutely brutal Inner Critic. The slightest physical misstep or social faux pas would have me silently (sometimes verbally), viciously, and hatefully berating myself in terms most foul and vile.

Small things. A shoe slipping out of my hand as I prepared to put it on would unleash a vulgar harangue–“Oh, that was brilliant, you stupid f***ing b***h.”

I could never do anything fast enough for my Critic. Every single task would find my body tensed, stomach in a knot, neck muscles in such spasms I was unable to turn my head without searing pain. “C’mon! Hurry, hurry, HURRY UP WITH THOSE DAMN DISHES!!!” she would yell. “PEE??? Hold it till you’re done vacuuming!”

So, this was my life for about 55 years. My Critic was my constant companion, always making sure I knew how bothersome to others and completely inept and unlikeable I was.

In my case, my Critic’s voice belonged to my mother. Mom was an alcoholic and likely covert narcissist with her own demons that she never was able to acknowledge and banish. Had you talked to me just a year ago about my Mom, you would have been treated to a litany of all the ways I was done wrong. Today I am at peace with the way my life unfolded and hold no blame towards my Mom. She loved me the best she could but she was broken from childhood. She simply did not have the tools she needed to raise me in an emotionally healthy environment. I did the best I could with my children, too, but sadly I blindly recreated my mother’s parenting style. So I also did a crap-ton of damage to my kids as they grew up. I have regrets. Big ones. I have been blessed to receive forgiveness and understanding from my adult children. And I am still working on forgiving myself.

But as the saying goes, once we know better, we can do better. So how did I come to know better so I could heal myself and pave the way for future healthy generations?

First, I had an epiphany. I realized that my Inner Critic had spent 50+ years coloring my perceptions of myself. I truly believed I was that voiceless, unlikable, despised, devalued, unimportant, clumsy wallflower, nearly paralyzed with social anxiety and low self-esteem.

Shortly after, I had another epiphany. I realized that I would never, under any circumstances, speak to another soul in the way my Inner Critic spoke to me. I would hate myself for tearing another’s sense of worth to shreds with my words. And the lightbulb illuminated over my head. And I made it my new goal to treat myself as kindly, gently, and compassionately as I do others.

I will tell you, those first couple weeks were exhausting! I quickly became acutely aware of the constant barrage of negativity running through my mind. Nearly every single thought had to be filtered and corrected. I would knock over a cup of water, Inner Critic would go off, and I would need to just stop the inner shaming and remind myself that spilled water truly has no bearing on my value as a human being. I would tell myself that Everybody knocks over a cup of water sometimes!!!

Concurrent with the revised self-talk, I also worked on my need to rush and hurry through life. Washing dishes became an exercise in deep, slow, breathing and relaxing my neck, back, and stomach muscles. For a while I had to reteach myself to do chores without holding physical tension by consciously taking the chore s-l-o-w and keeping my mind calm and focused on the task at hand. It took many months, but I am able to actually work quickly at something now without becoming a big ball of tension.

I will never forget the day that I accidentally dropped a paper on the floor. And as I bent over to pick it up, I chuckled at myself, thinking “oops!” It stopped me in my tracks and I cried tears of gratitude: It was the first time that my initial response was not that of my Inner Critic. I accepted a mistake I had made, realizing that mistakes, missteps, and messing up is simply a beautiful part of being a human.

This may sound funny, but I actually approached going to the bathroom as a means of self-care! I reminded myself that tending to my bodily functions was normal and not something to put off.

I made a concerted effort to treat myself better. It wasn’t easy at first. I had to actually FORCE myself to buy a 5.00 bar of fancy fou-fou soap at the Dollar General. Experimented with a little make-up. Got a haircut. Started shaving my legs again. It took a while, but I was able to work up to following through on some long-delayed needs: New glasses. Dental work. Addressing my hearing/balance/sensory issues. I am finally beginning to feel worthy of kindness and compassion–from others, but especially from myself.

And where am I now? I am so much happier and more satisfied with life. I still struggle with social anxiety and shyness sometimes, but I am able to briefly chit-chat with a cashier without terror striking my heart anymore. I am more able to speak my truth without fear of rejection. I am learning who I really am and who I was meant to be all along.

I can now clearly see the incredible benefits my early experiences have provided me. I am compassionate. I want others to feel good about themselves. My childhood loneliness and dysfunction gave me opportunities to think deeply and spend many hours in solitary creative pursuits. I have developed incredible self-reliance that serves me well today.

I now know that my dysfunctional ways of dealing with my childhood were simply coping mechanisms that kept me emotionally safe at the time. And they were extremely effective in protecting me. But now, I am no longer that child who needs to protect herself. Those threats to my self-worth no longer exist. And so it is now time to let go of those ways that no longer serve me. Those ways that are now a hindrance to living the joyous, powerful life I came here to experience.

I think the best thing I’ve noticed is that I am now looking FORWARD instead of backwards. I have remembered, forgiven, and healed, and I’ve been able to release the emotional and physical blocks that kept me stuck in a sad existence for over half a century.

I finally feel as if I have a future, open to possibilities, opportunities, and joy. So…..better late than never!

Peace to you.